Wednesday, June 26, 2013
A New Dawn, A New Day...
Honestly, the song just represents(surprisingly) the mood I've been feeling all day and all the hopefulness that has surrounded that mood. Sure we have days that we feel upbeat, happier than usual, and/or find ourselves in a good mood for whatever particular reason, however this is different because today has represented the first time I've felt relatively good in about a week. Of course, when I say "good", it's definitely all relative to the awfulness I have been feeling lately. I'm not going to spend time getting into the actual issue that has caused these feelings (nor should anyone speculate because it's complicated), however it's safe to say that I'm living through a life changing moment that has completely turned everything upside down. For all the tragedy and sorrow that surrounds this current situation (and there is plenty), it has truly opened my eyes to everything in my life, from work related issues and future aspirations to personal behavior and past choices. This situation has given me an opportunity to re-assess my own values and figure out the things that are most important to me. One thing I have self-discovered over this reflection period is that a lot of my past sorrows, complaints and stresses were, for the most part, self-inflicted by not understanding my own values and therefore often focusing on the small things that truly don't matter. I've realized life is much bigger than building webpages for my work, how my baseball team is doing or where I plan to eat dinner. Even though those are just a few examples of the small things that we all are guilty of focusing on in our daily lives, they often can become much larger when we let them negatively dominate a situation. This is something I believe I've been doing too often over the last couple of years, and when you can come to that realization and re-shift your focus, it's amazing how you begin to see everything differently.
Over the last week I have realized 1) I don't hate my job, even though it's far from perfect 2) I'm proud of the things I've accomplished up to this point personally and musically, even though I have let some good opportunities slip by 3) I finally understand where I want to go career/occupation wise, even though I don't have everything worked out quite yet 4) I'm not frustrated by my financial situation, even though it would be great to make more money (who doesn't desire that)... and most importantly 5) I truly understand the people that mean the most to me and that those relationships require effort and support, two qualities that I can greatly improve in. I'm not saying that a person's job, career future, finances, and relationships are "small things", because they are major aspects of a person's life, however they can be negatively effected by focusing solely on all the smaller (at times uncontrollable) and unimportant details. I'm also not saying that I'm becoming content and/or am going to stop trying to achieve more in my life, because the future really excites me. What I'm saying is that I'm going to get back to enjoying life and do my best to make the most of it, because it can be (and will be) really great if I let it.
During this tough period I've begin to learn to look at everything in life with my eyes wide open and it's been comforting to be able to do that for the first time in quite a while. There's more work to do on my part, however one thing that I've accepted is that you can't control all the moving elements, sometimes the chips are going to fall where they lay and you can't just bury your head in the sand. You definitely have to get up and roll with the punches, even when they hurt. With every slump comes a hitting streak, and with every steep hill there is an easy straight-away. Overall I've learned to enjoy all the things that truly count and personally matter, while being open and flexible with all the things that might make me a little uncomfortable. Finally, being able to see all of these moving parts in my life after this life-changing situation allows me to know, in the words of the late great Nina Simone, "it's a new dawn, a new day, a new life for me (regardless of what that is or means)........and it's (in the beginning stages of) feeling good".
Nina Simone - Feeling Good